UNTERS OF ; WORST KIN

‘VOL.1,NO.2 10 | JUNE, 1978

-H.D. Birns—associate publisher Tony Tallarico— editor Norman Nebish—pruff reader Chasles bnealt eogecte |

ves ogi ; And the TRASHiest bunch of artists ALL THE JUNK U NFIT TO PRINT | and writers in the world

‘CANTENTS WE BUCK BRUISE JENNAR POSTER ...,.......:00.eceeuee 2 TRASHIFIED ADS... 2. cece eee PEO RR st ae Waa 4 Cantankerous classified ads GROSS ENCOUNTERS OF THE WORST KIND... PANY SI ATA 5 Now it can be sold SUPERB SECOND CLASS........... 0c. cciece eee Lays jeraiee 10 The only way to go. . .if you must go d GON TASK rie ek pelgo eet Kah dreynd ied Oe 12 Don’t ask CREATION 1978 or YE GODS. ...... 0.0.6. c elec cee cceeceues 14 The new story from The Big Book NEW PRODUCTS GUIDE............ Na sieeve eeters papas penkit es .. 20 Do your early Xmas shopping here TRASH BIONIC CRAZE .............0.00000 0s ED pik ieis ate eine / Piece this together | PIAL TRASH sen oe eis Cal ee ea Re ees Maio rey 24 For those who can't stand a full load ti HALFiA HALF TRASH is loca eis ork Oe Me eats 25 For those who can’t stand a half load CONTEST AND UN-CONTEST NEWS................00005 eae: S$$$$$$ WHAT ABC DID NOT SHOW IN THE. 1977 WORLD SERIES ... 26 j It’s a good thing they didn’t. i FAMOUS X-RAYS............ abate ay aeiaey pats ibtntehs witches roe mee Medically X-rated TRASH INTERVIEWS THE CELEBRITIES ...... Rate ld Wvitwialadieals 30. Famous and infamous alike getit INSIDE A TELEPHONE BOOTH ............0.00 0005 tuna 35 a Actual un-retouched photo bi MORE TRASH WORLD RECORDS Baiiey ec Fig Ce MC ate ete ee 36 iN Fraudulant findings ; @} THE GAMES TEENAGERS PIN ied vo praca at olad Sg bee aie Weave 38 BOY Learn it here LO) DAMIEN OGURT Hs artis hi han uve db clea eet 40 ohh ' Health food department. i : 2 L £ MONSTROUSLY TRASH.......... 0... c cc cc ccc esc ceccecce 42 J) ad Hideous happenings \\aN Vr STILL MORE‘HALF TRASH...............0.0.0005 Seay ar 43 The load is getting lighter { , ALL TRASH ANYTHING GOES....... 00.00. cece e cece eee 45 Battle of the non-stars . & RPS ce oe nel a aku paler od bed vale oi heda Bin Coe 50 A few bucks for you t WE SINK FARRAH POSTER ............ 00. c cc cceceucccecce 51 THE WORLD’S TALLEST SUPER HERO ee ae ee 52

Up, up and away

ATTACKS ON INNOCENT PEOPLE Scattered throughout TRASH a TRASH MAGAZINE is|published bi-monthly. Copyright © 1978 by Trash Publishing Co., Inc. 160 East 56th Street, New York; N.Y. 10022! All rights reserved. Vol: 1, No. 2, June 1978 issue. Single copy 60¢. Not responsible for un- solicited manuscripts, artwork or letters, and all such material must be accompanied by a stamped, self-addressed envelope. Any similarity between persons or institutions named in this issue, without satiric purpose is coincidental. Printed in the U.S.A.

4

TRASHIFIED ADS

FOR SALE

MAN’S SUIT; size 42; finely tailored grey pin-striped silk with wide lapels; cost $425, asking $35; worn only once by Angelo “Mad Dog” Scar- lotti, the recently deceased gangland czar. Small insigni- ficant holes in front, back and sides of jacket need slight repairing. Write: Box QT, Ossining, New York.

FOR SALE: 36-foot boat with two bailing pumps and a large tin can; seen by ap- pointment only; bring diving gear. Contact Davy Jones’ Locker, White, Wash.

FOR SALE: fin time for next Christmas: a delightful set of holiday records for the child- ren; some records are slight- ly broken. . .slightly broken . . Slightly broken. . .Box 86P, Great Big, Mass.

Will sell a dozen bottles of pure: water just brought home from vacation in Mex- ico. What am | bid? Call A. Telly Rico, Gastro-intestinal ‘Ward, Doctors’ Hospital.

FOR SALE: Practically new complete 48-volume set of the Encyclopedia Britannica; never used; my wife knows everything; write Otto, Box 39, Woeis, Me.

NEW DOGHOUSE FOR SALE; Only $15; suitable for large dog or small husband. - Box 79,-No, Cal.

YOUR CHOICE: Piper Three passenger plane or 1972 model hot-blooded Ita- lian. wife; either one $50,000; can't keep both. Box 28, Loanme, Tenn.

Unused steamship ticket for round-the-world sailing; will sell below cost; no offer too small: Write: Ira Gurney c/o S.S. Titanic.

Mail To—TRASHIFIED ADS, c/o TRASH PUBLISHING CO., INC.

160 EAST 56 STREET

NEW YORK, N.Y. 10022

FOR SALE: “KEEP OFF THE GRASS” signs for non- hippie home owners of greenwich Village; send $1.00 to GIMMICKS UN- LIMITED.

FOR SALE: Half-used bottle of Murene; contact: M. Dayan, Haifa, Israel.

LARGE BED FOR SALE; good condition; formerly slept on by only 19 hippies. Write; Commune 22, San Francisco.

~ FOR SALE: Adding mach-

ine; will sell cheap; figures adding up all wrong; Write: Bert Lance, Calhoun, Ga.

HELP WANTED

MAN WANTED; any man, any time; contact Z.Z. Ga- bor, Hollywood, Cal.

HELP WANTED: Senior physicist for analytical work primarily on lasar instru- mentation for electromag- netic propulsion in theore- matic nuclear system. High School education _helpful.. Box 42B, Noahs, Ark.

Disc Jockey wants Girl Fri- day; must have following measurements: 78-3314-45. Call: Big Ed, Station W.A.C.K.

WANTED: Ambitious, ag- gressive private secretary,

capable of grappling with

routine office jobs along with the boss. Write: Box 81, Viree, Il.

SALESMEN WANTED to sell ladies’ girdles; can pull off around $200 a week. Box 4, Watta, Conn.

Night Watchman wanted for Day Camp; Box 72, Turner, Ky.

MAN WANTED TO WRITE RANSOM NOTES FOR KIDNAPPER; must know. paste-up and mechani- cals; Write: Box X, Folsom, N.M. ;

SITUATIONS WANTED

Pn a ea ey a ee POSITION WANTED: Ma- ture male with executive ex- perience seeks position with established recording studio; has intricate knowledge of tape recordings and editing. Contact: R. Nixon, San Cle- mente, Cal.

Let me write your resumes; experienced __ professsional; guaranteed to bring results. Clifford Irving, New York, N.Y.

RESIDENT POET AVAIL- ABLE: Be the first in your neighborhood to have your own live-in poet who will supply rhymes and couplets for room and board. ‘’Noth- ing like a little poem to make sure your children don’t roam from home”. R. McKuen, Chicago, lll.

AT LIBERTY: Rudolph Nur- eyev’s ex-acting teacher; desperate; will take any- thing. Box 93. Oolah, La.

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES

BUILD YOUR OWN IRON LUNG; assembly kit of

_ 62,500 different parts now

available; so simple that a child can complete it. Send $10 to FLY-BY-NIGHT AGENTS, Great Big, Conn.

Start Your Own Mail Order Business: Have a whole warehouse full of 1927 calen- dars at a bargain price. Take a chance on that year com- ing back. Write: GISMOS UNLIMITED, Fiven, Tenn.

FOOL YOUR FRIENDS: real live guillotines; looks like rubber; they'll never know the difference; will liven up even the dullest of parties; be a real cutup; order yours today: YOK-IT-UP, Oolah,

{

WANTED TO RENT: 1973 or 1974 model sports car; will not be driven more than 500 miles. Send info to Speedy Gonzalez, Speedway, _In- dianapolis, Ind.

WANT TO SWAP: White wedding gown, size 12, never Used; for .38 calibre re- volver. Write: Grace, Box 45, Praisebe, Ala.

PUBLIC NOTICES [racecar eae oar Od

NOTICE: In reference to our pamphlet: “Driving Made Easy’, Chapter 6: Facts About Dead Ends, Para- graph 9, Line 2—please change “press down ac- celerator’ to “put on brakes”. We hope noone has been inconvenienced by this misprint. UMGLICK DRIVING SCHOOL, Mishu,

Ga. '

PIANO MOVERS: If you have a piano to move, con- tact us for expert handling. Also kindling wood for sale. Box 88G, Aintno, Mo.

PRINTING | PROBLEM? Office forms printed with acuracy and speed XX in printing office forms. The printed must There’s no margin for get it right the FIRST time etoian shridu. Box 329, C,Y,N.

SPECIAL NOTICE: | did not leave my husband John Sturdley’s bed and board. It was my bed given to me by my uncle, and | was kicked out; as for my bills, my hus- band was never responsible anyway mainly because he was never responsible. Mrs. Agatha Sturdley, Ohmypa, Pa.

NEW YORK CITY ORDI- NANCE EFFECTIVE IM- MEDIATELY: It shall be il- legal and punishable by fine to park any car in any space already occupied by another car.

PS pac; ROEM! Eos SENSIS LARAE eS Wy A 10 OMe ae ammetls Pec ENED

TRASHUFIED AD nD

COTY as STAT Ec

ZIP CODE cee

ATTENTION OEDIPUS: . Come home. All is forgiven. Mother still loves you.

PERSONALS .

MAN WITH WOODEN LEG wishes to meet woman with wooden leg. Object: out-of-this-world | Mambo! Box 66J, Iron, Ore.

LONELY: Male, old enough to know better; wishes to meet female not quite that ‘old. Box 39L, Base, Mont.

Gentlemen, 89, old-age pen- sioner; would like to meet lady of suitable age for fun and games; can _ finance honeymoon and funeral ex- penses. Box 96B, Butter, Fla.

Will the person or persons who saw me dining with a beautiful blonde at the Copacabana last New Year's Eve kindly keep his or her mouth shut—I'm hiding it from my wifel

JUDGE CRATER: Please call your answering service.

LOST AND FOUND Ee

[ieearraee SARE a Se Sel

LOST: Tan leather wallet containing pictures, identifi- cation, personal papers and

$200 in. cash. Finder may ©

keep the pictures, identifica- tion, personal papers and wallet, but | have a senti- mental attachment to the money. Box 25V, Shapely, Miss.

Will the person who stole

the $50 worth of groceries - from my car kindly return it..

Just leave it in the glove

compartment where you

found it and no questions

will be asked. Box 87P, Laz,

Tex.

LOST: Road map of San Jose, California. Return to Dionne . Warwick, Holly- wood, Cal.

GROSS ENCOUNTERS OF —= THE WORST KIND ———~—

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NEWS ITEM: Airline executive, Freddie Laker, has led the way in introducing "no-frills" transatlantic air travel.

The airlines are currently conducting a massive advertising campaign praising the glories of their new low-priced flights. However, as a public service, we intend to defuse that particular Madison Avenue time-bomb and reveal the truth about. . .

(What the Airline Ads Won't Show Us About Economy Flights) WHAT THE ADS SAY LIKE IT REALLY IS

“HIGHLY @ COMPETENT PILOTS”

““We need anew rubber

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LIKE IT REALLY IS

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Cheer up. Things could always be worse. This poor nurd tried to save even more money by flying third class.

WHAT THE ADS SAY

“THE LATEST PICTURES”

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The Bible tells us that God created the Universe in 7 days, including 1 day Off to rest. The truth is that he could probably have done it in 2 or 3 days because in those days there was nobody around to bug him. If He were to create the Universe today, this is what would happen...

CREATION— ] 978 | OR YE GODS!

The first thing we need aroung this place, is some light. The last time | tried working in the dark | mashed my thumb and it hurt like. . .h>mm, | guess I'll have to create | that place too. Well, here goes. . . LET THERE BE.

CAEL

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Yawn! This has got to be the most boring place in the whole, wide. . .hmm, interesting. Where am |? | guess I’m noplace, which is even more boring. Fortunately, | can fix that in, hmm, ‘about a week, give or take a day or two. .

4 i i ' ° ees Never mind Rais yen : HA! | thought so! sis ia Wea Nae But you're in luck | thought. | Who are can’t work was alone ou? creating the around here because | can y issue you a 30 day

out here. L Universe! ‘without one.

license right now.

Let’s see y That's what 'm GOD! your license vibes they all say. a Come on, no af) 7 days? No way. license, no work. It's guys like you

that ruin it for the

others. If every- body went around

creating Universes in 7 days, there

wouldn't be any

Mir * A a work left for any- “nod s,yoeseug ul panies ey—siuue} pedeid sesol :Z3S HSVHL y saat body else.

How do you know? That's better. Now. . .name?

But there isn’t anybody else.

Not without a God what? , Because I’m license. Let me GOD, a. just fill out this

Your first name is It’s Jewish. The? What kind of a ; name is that? Just give me

But there’s a

application for space on this the license 30 days. . . application for Funny, you don’t sdpeel il Nets : Last Name. . . look Jewish. You 30 days, take it First Name. . . don’t look like any-. “or leave it. Middle Initial. thing. Aren't there any Come on, let’s lights around this place? have your full

name.

O.K. Here’s your license. . .GOD!

a OMAN m-- on the MOVntND, Of the Hirst Hay Se 5622 ce God Sot: his LICENSE 2 tO PrACtISE creation, nose a

(BE Poe: + BO.

aR iy On thé SEcond. LAY, GOR. oreated heaven

Ante CAartht Oe eee: oe

Ahh! That's better. And now. . .LET THERE BE LIGHT TO SEPARATE THE LIGHT FROM THE DARK. . .

Say what? | said, let there be

Seth Bacerets. = That’s what | thought j you done said, man. That's segregation, baby, and there ain’t NO way we gonna start out like that!

O.K., O.K. LET THERE BE LIGHT TO SEPARATE

. .an’ don’ THE DAY FROM THE

forgit the part about the dark gettin’ the day or you can jus’ fergit about creatin’ Philadelphia,

How about if I give equal time to each?

Keep talkin’.

That don’t sound bad, man, Which one gets . the day?

You know, half a day of light and half a day of “dark.

Well, | thought that

. .and we gets Light would. . .

the Night? No way, God, baby. Dark : gets the day or we gonna riot. You ever see a Universe onfire? .

Thank Myself, | got rid of those guys. No wonder these licenses are for 30 days. With interruptions like those it could take years!

DTZ, VEIT LIL LLP Now, let's see. We

could use a place to put

everything, like. . .how - about an EARTH!

But aak was here

You're gonna make an Earth,

Then you’re jonna need 3 " says hire trucks and

drivers.

i wanna get your knuckles busted?

Suit yourself. But you still have to

Nias iis Sit

But | don’t need any - trucks and drivers.

I'll hire them. . .but

I don’t have to

use them, do I?

Yeah, how else you gonna get all that stuff like rocks and dirt here?

° % Bo'

Now look, I’ve got to create trees and forests and lakes and rivers, not to mention seas and oceans, and a whole lot of other things before | get around to the good stuff so if there are any more objections, let’s have them now.

You're going to need a Right of Way for your rivers. . . TANT

«

Sy Ao The sun and the moon are handled by the Energy Commission. . .

Living creatures that roam

SSSA EEL Aas

Plants, trees, shrubs and grass have to be sprayed with insecticide. . .

Living creatures that swarm in the oceans must be approved by the Endangered Species

the earth must be kept on Committee. . .

a leash and you have to clean up after them. . .

Birds which fill the sky must have wings if you intend for them to fly and 3 must be qualified pilots. . .

MA (Ue IBM cards must not be

stapled, spindled or folded... —~

\VT a) REET

To keep track of all the sub- committees for Heaven and Earth Planning.

Sub-committees? Now just a Myselfdamned minute!

IBM cards? ! é i dearth b If. What do | I'm sees heaven and earth by myse!

need IBM cards for? Suit yourself, but you'll have to pay

them anyway.

| don’t know who all those cockamamie voices are or where they came from but | sure as Hell didn’t create them. Hmm, come to think of it, | haven't created Hell yet, either. But the way things are starting to turn out here, I’m not . so sure.

+ aD >

mo = n m N $ ® & o a ° Koi 3) io} Ss o > oc a a. o& @ ® ° = 8 a ® S + fo} a ° N

Not so fast. First, was your father a dues paying member of the union?

Let's see now, the plans call for a sun and a moon and stars to fill the firmament. That shouldn't be too hard.

Electrician's license? | don’t need and electrician’s license to set the sun and moon and stars in

the firmament. I’m God.

Uh, oh! Sorry, but we can’t let

you in. Don’t wanttogivethe

union a bad name, don’t you know. Nobody without a father

gets in.

And I'm shop steward for the electrician’s union. You want your knuckles busted?

| You got an

electrician’s license?

O.K. give me t? a the license. O.K., O.K., my father’s yeti, : . ‘name is, mnimm, George. George God.

Hard hat? What do | need a hard hat for? Myselfdammit! The next thing you | know they'll accuse me of using foreign labor because I’m not from Union rules. around here.

| thought he’d never go away. Now, let’s get the firmament filled. before | go whacko bananas. Let's see, the sun : i But I’m God.

would look nice there and the Nothing den oo va

i is job has to moon, maybe on the other side. happen to me. cra bial Vag darees run through that again,

Where’s your hard hat?

2sSuns wsSI. Bed ayy je ewoD MOY Ua} Alene} 40 WJO4 Jsase9UIs 043 S} UOREMUI J] :73S HSVHL

Ever had

your knuckles : For God, l aot a big mouth. | said I’m not from here. _

Oh ho! Spika da Spanish? Parle voos Frenchy? Spreken Sie Dutch? Come on, fella, where are you from?

I'm not from anywhere, | mean, I'm from aerrahers

Man without a country, eh. Well, we don’t want nobody who

ain’t red-blooded, You win. I’m 100% Union! from Chicago.

Good Myself! I’m running behind schedule. I've still got to create the waters that separate the dry land and the living creatures that swarm both under the sea and in the air and those which roam the earth. Whew! | hope nobody's looking because. . .

Thank Myself, | did it. Hmmm, but there still seems to be one thing missing. . .

td ahd emer Ss, feud created. a SE Off : oe “as to create one. for fee by Z. de ¥ ae

| need to put someone in this marvelous place to enjoy it. Hmm, how about some- body in my image and likeness.

Like, just what is you like?

There, by Myself! | did it. And | defy anybody to say left anyone out. *

You want to run that one by one more time, sexist!

Sexist? What's that? Oh, oh, | see what you mean.

gonna have some big problems when you come up with that:line, “Be fruitful and increase.”’ It takes two to tango.

describe yourself.

You better : make this Well, I’m, I’m. . .hmm, | see a good or we’s what you mean. Well, | think {| _all.gonna riot. | can manage that. Here

iP)

na Fe TT ages 2;

ra _| *$8]OY-U0}21Ng BU} Seso}

By Myself, you’re right. How could | have overlooked that? 2 Just don’t let it happen again or I'll see to it that you get more than your

knuckles busted.

No way, baby. We get equal time with one of your TWWZZZTT THKKLLEKRACKLES or I'l fix that you're in big trouble. : right away. . Ah, a rib, just the thing.

or : [PED

=

We've come along way, babies.

By Myself, | think | did it. It was a little more

' trouble than | thought, but it’s not going to be lonely around this Universe any more.

bold 2-H

mM to try to get along as best they Could under the CIYCUMSEANCES °---..% x

Whew, thank Myself that’s over. Let's see now, | don’t think | left anything out. Myself damned, am | pooped. | could use aday of rest. . .

te on : a ° © A Do 2 © 3 a ® . oO a ® z= a} Si 3 a © 6 . a he a pe [s) i“ 2 > Ss: ® n = ey t cc =

rips 1

Thay there, big boy, didn’t you forget to create thomething?

I'm Bruthe. . .and I'm kind of thweet and tho are you.

Who in the hell are you? Sd

O.K., O.K., I'll create you, Vi } but that doesn’t mean I'd \ let my brother marry one.

It’s not a bad place to create, but | sure as

Hell wouldn't want ‘to live there.

“aii NEW PRO

Sm. ICEBERG HOLE PATCH KIT—

\ » Never be caught on a sinking ship again just because a wayward iceberg ripped 300 feet out of its side. Developed by a survivor of the Titanic, the Iceberg Hole Patch kit is a thousand yard strip of pre-pastéd. steel plating which comes in its own handy dispenser can. Simply tear off the length'you need, remove tHe paper from the sticky side, and apply to the iceberg hole. The container can be used as a submarine when empty.

“quqaied-Suo s| ssourddey pue yyjeeH ‘Buiyyuana 3,uUs! AdUo|\| +Z3S HSV¥L

HANDS FREE DIGITAL WATCH—

If you have a digital watch that you have to press a button to tell the time, you know what a nuisance it can be. But now you can leave both hands free and still tell the time. The Hands Free Digital Watch does away with the button. Instead, it has its own foot pedal. When you want to know what time it is, merely take the pedal assembly out of its handy carrying case, plug one end into the watch and put the pedal on the ground. Press firmly with your foot. This watch is made and guaranteed by the people who brought you the illuminated night time sun dial.

INEXPENSIVE SMOKE DETECTOR—. |

Tired of waking up at night because your expensive smoke detec- tor got a whiff of your Uncle Herkie’s big black cigar. . and Uncle Herkie hasn’t visited you for 6 months? Super-sensitive smoke de- tectors can’t tell the difference between the Chicago Fire and Jun- ior’s birthday cake. But this one can. The decision to roust every- body out of bed in their wrinkled sleepers will be yours and yours

_ alone if you use this people powered smoke detector. Attach as many smoke pipes as you wish and place the detector end in your nose before retiring. All you have to do is breath.

HANDY LOCKER OPENER—

If you’ve ever forgotten the combination or key to your school lock- er, you know what a drag it can be to get it open. Especially if the books for your next class are inside. With the application of a small tab of plastique locker opener and door dislodger, such problems are a thing of the past. To use, squish a small amount of plastique onto your locker lock, set the fuse and hurry to the rest rooms to wait for the tell-tale thud that tells you your locker is open, for good.

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MOP AND GLOW SHADOW CLEANER

The annoyance of having people walk all over your shadow and leaving their’dirty footprints on it shows a lack of respect on their part and leaves you with a soiled shadow. Many schools new dress codes require a spotless shadow and now you can have one too. Squeeze a generous helping of shadow polish onto the soiled area, allow to soak overnight, and vacuum away the dirt in the morning. For extra tough spots, scrub in the polish with the applicator which comes with the kit.

AUTOMATIC CAT CHUCKER—

It’s unusually the last one to go to bed who has to put out the cat. And if you are\the unlucky-person, and the floor is cold and you are already in-bed, you know how miserable a job that can be. How- ever, if you keep your cat in an automatic cat chucker all of the time, all you have to do is push the launch button and your cat will be outside in no time at all. A word of caution, do not.aim the cat chucker at trees or nearby buildings.

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MICRO-WAVE FOOT WARMER—

Just the gift for the elderly on your list or for anybody else who suf- fers the discomfort of chilly feet. Made possible by the magic of |. @lectronics, the micro-wave foot warmer toasts those chilly toot- | : sies in no time flat. In fact, it will toast those flat tootsies too. Plug ) into the nearest outlet, stuff your loved one’s feet inside (they may | resist) and pull the switch: As an added bonus, the micro-wave foot warmer incinerates stocking lint in a flash. Not for the ticklish.

; bigot SON) S| UND | MONTH OF SUNDAYS A special calendar for those who need an extra day every once ina while to catch up on things like sleep, homework or television.

, c The month of Sundays calendar comes in a pre-pasted, perforated sheet. To add a day to your week, tear off an extra Sunday and

i A paste it onto your regyjar calendar. »

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SCHOOL BUS STOP—

For students who have trouble catching the bus on time and for those whose driver’s won't wait that extra second it takes to. get to the regular stop, the portable school bus stop is the perfect solu- tion. Converted from war surplus tank traps and painted to match the neighborhood, these steel bus stops are guaranteed not to let go once that smart alecky. driver stumbles into its clutches. Also a great way to keep large dogs from straying into your yard.

SEE-THROUGH BOOKS—

Relief for the kid in the back of the room who is always getting caught doing something he’s not supposed to be doing. With a see- through book, you can sleep, read comics, or peek at your neigh- bor’s homework and teacher will never catch you because you can see her but she’s can’t see you.

BIONIC TRASH

*(A) Bionic hair made out of oil rag for wiping greasy hands. (B) Bionic right thumb—hollow so it can hold 12 gallons of gasoline. (C) Bionic left index finger used as grease gun. : (D) Bionic right pinky—holds 3 pints of oil. (E) Bionic right pinky—used as a paint- spray gun. (F) Bionic fingernails—carry 3 pints of extra lubrication under them. (G) Bionic right eye—has drop light in pupil. | (H) Bionic ear—can hear pinging sound in engine from 50 feet. (1) Bionic left thumb—converts to socket wrenchwith interchangeable parts.

“BIONIC AUTO MECHANIC”

(J) Bionic back—used as Hydraulic jack. (K) Bionic foot—niade out of rubber for kicking tires.